Fallacies of Change and Internal Control
Today we’re on to the next part of our series on the most common “cognitive distortions,” or thinking errors.
I’m bundling two distortions together this time, because they’re opposite sides of the same coin:
The “fallacy of change” and the “fallacy of control.”
What they are:
The fallacy of change involves the belief that external circumstances or other people need to change in order for us to be happy or fulfilled. It gives away all our power and leaves us in a “wait and see” stance that’s dependent on others to meet our needs.
On the other hand, the fallacy of internal control involves the belief that we have complete control over our thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and outcomes. We don’t give ourselves enough credit and acknowledgement for the external factors that may be impacting our situation. It places unrealistic pressure on our shoulders to single-handedly master every challenge regardless of circumstances.
Both pertain to our level of perceived autonomy, agency, and control over our desired outcomes.
While these represent opposite extremes, and a given person will generally tend towards one or the other, it is also possible for one person to experience both at different times.
I think of these as swinging between hyper-independence and helplessness.
Most of the folks I work with tend toward the “fallacy of internal control” (hyper-independence) most of the time, and only occasionally collapse in exhaustion into “fallacy of change” mode (helplessness) when they’ve run out of ideas and energy to fix a situation on their own.
Both of these cognitive distortions can be problematic, as they can lead to a sense of hopelessness or frustration when things don’t go as planned.
When they happen:
The fallacy of change often occurs when we feel that we are not in control of a situation or when we are facing challenges that seem insurmountable. This can happen when we are under-resourced, are facing many pressures, or are in a toxic situation – and we have learned that advocating for our own needs was ineffective or was not welcomed by those around us.
On the other hand, the fallacy of internal control often has roots in the same conditions as the fallacy of change: when we are under-resourced, are facing significant pressures, or are in a toxic situation – but we learned that taking charge of a situation was an effective way to soothe our discomfort.
(Context also often influences which fallacy becomes the go-to in a given situation. For example, you might feel that you have a high degree of control in your professional life, but feel more helpless when it comes to relating to your family members.)
In short, these are two opposite ways of imagining our level of control and internal efficacy when we want something to be different.
Examples:
Fallacy of Change
- “If only I had a better job, I would be happier.”
- “If they would just change, our relationship would be better.”
Fallacy of Internal Control
- “I should have been able to prevent this from happening.”
- “If only I had been better/faster/smarter/etc it would’ve worked out.”
What to do if you catch yourself doing it:
- Identify which extreme you’re in: do I feel like I’m carrying the world on my shoulders right now, or do I feel helpless?
- Explore a middle option: in every situation, there are both internal and external factors at play. Identify both what’s within your control, and what outside factors are influencing your desired outcome to reach a more balanced perspective.
- If you tend toward hyper-independence (internal control), ask: how can I cut myself some slack and set up more reasonable expectations for myself? Who else is a key player in this situation? Where could I get some additional support?
- If you tend toward helplessness (fallacy of change), ask: how can I take a more active posture in this situation? What levers are within my control that I could be pulling to increase the odds of getting my desired outcome?
Reflections:
- What’s a time you engaged in one or both of these fallacies?
- What about the situation kicked you into one or both of these fallacies?
- How did that serve you?
- How did it not serve you?
- What’s a different way you’d want to approach that situation if it came up again in the future?
