Make a Different Mistake

“Make a different mistake.”

This has been my mantra through dozens of critical decisions and moments of uncertainty over the last couple of years.

Trusting myself hasn’t come easily. Years of gaslighting and unwinnable situations scrambled my signals and created paralyzing doubt around my choices.

Reaching some mystical moment of perfect clarity was, most of the time, not realistic. So I lowered the bar for myself.

I removed the idea of a “right” answer, and acknowledged to the fearful part of my brain that no matter what I chose, there would probably be some fear and problems and downsides.  

Then, within that paradigm, the goal shifted. It stopped being about certainty and perfection, and started being about learning.

At any fork in the road, I could usually identify one option that was consistent with old patterns – the default option I would’ve reflexively gone with in the past.

I made a simple commitment: to not do THAT thing again.

In other words, I chose to make a different mistake. 

• When my default was to shut down in conflict, I opened up instead.
• When my default was to try to fix problems by myself, I asked for help instead.
• When my default was to grind it out in impossible situations, I tried stepping away instead.

It was scary and unfamiliar and shaky and imperfect, but at least I broadened my range and learned something new each time.

And, sometimes it worked out incredibly well.

From this process, I’ve ended toxic relationships, created beautiful new ones, found my forever home, started a new business, set healthy new boundaries and healed from decades-long ailments. 

Take the pressure off of engineering the perfect outcome, AND allow space that the imperfection might turn out to be everything you dreamt of.