All-or-Nothing Thinking
Today we’re on to part 4 of our series on the most common “cognitive distortions,” or thinking errors. Cognitive distortion #4 is…
All-or-nothing thinking
What it is:
All-or-nothing thinking, also known as black-and-white thinking, involves seeing things in extremes with no middle ground. This type of thinking can lead to rigid and inflexible beliefs and behaviors, as well as impossible standards for ourselves and others – which can cause a lot of unnecessary added stress in just about every area of life.
When it happens:
This type of thinking is more likely to occur when we’re feeling overwhelmed and tend toward perfectionism. If we’re trained to focus on what’s not working, we miss the opportunity to appreciate that there are many baby steps, learning opportunities, and shades of gray on the path to any successful outcome.
Example:
- “If I can’t do something right the first time, I shouldn’t even bother trying again.”
- “Either I eat/exercise/host/perform/present/lead flawlessly, or it’s a complete failure.”
- “If someone doesn’t like me, then everyone must hate me.”
- “If I can’t achieve my goals in a certain timeframe, then it’s not worth pursuing them at all.”
What to do if you catch yourself doing it:
- Challenge your thoughts: ask yourself if they are really true or if there is a middle ground. Look for evidence that supports an alternative possibility.
- Notice the positive: Instead of focusing on what went wrong or what you didn’t accomplish, try to focus on what you learned from the experience or how you can improve in the future.
- Embrace imperfection: Remember that no one is perfect, and that making mistakes is a natural part of the learning process. Embrace imperfection and focus on progress rather than perfection.
- Tend to the feelings underneath: Usually all-or-nothing thinking hitches a ride on fear, anxiety, and feelings of inadequacy. Tending to these will help you address the root-cause issue and train your brain to react to those feelings with more nurturance, so you have more tools at your disposal the next time they arise.
Reflections:
- What’s a time you engaged in all-or-nothing thinking?
- What about the situation kicked you into all-or-nothing thinking mode?
- How did that serve you?
- How did it not serve you?
- What’s a different way you’d want to approach that situation if it came up again in the future?
