Disqualifying the Positive
This is the final installment of our series on the most common “cognitive distortions,” or thinking errors.
Cognitive distortion #9 is…
Disqualifying the positive
What it is:
“Disqualifying the positive” is a cognitive distortion that involves downplaying or dismissing positive experiences, achievements, or feedback while focusing solely on the negative aspects of a situation.
It’s almost as if we possess a selective lens that filters out all the good, leaving us only with a distorted perception of reality. This distortion undermines our ability to appreciate and enjoy positive moments in our lives.
When it happens:
Disqualifying the positive can rear its head in various situations, often when we find ourselves struggling or feeling overwhelmed. Here are a few common factors that increase the odds of engaging in “disqualifying the positive”:
- Perfectionism: When we set unrealistically high standards for ourselves, any progress or accomplishment falls short of our lofty expectations, leading us to dismiss positive aspects.
- Low self-esteem: Individuals with low self-esteem often struggle to accept compliments or recognize their own worth. They may habitually reject positive feedback, assuming it to be insincere or mistaken.
- Comparison trap: Constantly comparing ourselves to others can fuel the disqualification of positive experiences. We may downplay our achievements, believing they pale in comparison to those around us.
- Negativity bias: A pessimistic mindset can cause us to disproportionately focus on the negative aspects of any situation, leaving no room for acknowledging or appreciating the positive.
Examples:
- You excel in a project at work, receiving praise from your colleagues and supervisor for your exceptional contribution. But instead of acknowledging your achievement, you quickly attribute it to luck or downplay your efforts, focusing on any minor flaws or mistakes.
- People around you frequently compliment your fashion sense and unique style. Rather than accepting these compliments graciously, you tend to dismiss them, assuming they are merely being polite or insincere.
- You compare your physical appearance to the carefully curated images on social media. Despite being fit and healthy, you become fixated on perceived flaws, overlooking the beauty and uniqueness of your own body.
What to do if you catch yourself disqualifying the positive
- Challenge negative self-talk: Pay attention to the inner critic and challenge its negative messages. Counteract self-deprecating thoughts by reminding yourself of your strengths, accomplishments, and positive qualities.
- Practice gratitude: Regularly take stock of the things you appreciate in your life. Engaging in gratitude exercises can help shift your focus towards the positive aspects that often go unnoticed.
- Seek support: Share your struggles with trusted friends, family, or a mental health professional. They can provide objective perspectives, support, and encouragement to help you reframe your thinking patterns.
- Celebrate milestones: Acknowledge and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. Treat yourself kindly and give credit where it is due. Even baby steps count as progress. The act of regularly reflecting on small wins and celebrating them trains the brain to begin orienting towards and attending to positive inputs.
Reflections:
- What’s a time you engaged in disqualifying the positive?
- What about the situation kicked you into disqualifying the positive mode?
- How did that serve you?
- How did it not serve you?
- What’s a different way you’d want to approach that situation if it came up again in the future?
